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(160): Is it lust or love? | Tedx Talks

I've been recently hooked up on watching Tedx Talks about dating or relationships or other stuff but this one's caught my attention (aside from John Gray's "Mars brain, Venus brain").

I'll summarize this talk by Terri Orburch and write my thoughts about it.
According to her there are 4 specific signs that differentiate lust from love:

1. Connection. When you're in love, you want your partner to connect with all the important people in your life. 

2. When you use "we" language rather than "I" language. If you were in love, you would tell me, "We went out to dinner" or "We went to the movies" rather than "I took Sandy to the movies" and "I went out to dinner".

3. Self-disclosure. Love motivates us to reveal extensive information about ourselves to this other person. When we're in love, we want to tell this other person about our dreams, about our aspirations, our goals, the past, the future. 

4. Influencing one another. When two people are in love, what one person does or wants to do, influences the other person in meaningful and strong ways. You would want to go to your partner before you make a decision. 


So if you're in a situation wherein you're confused as to what relationship you have with the other person, take a look at these signs and see for yourself.

My thoughts:

I'm on Tinder (idk why people are ashamed to admit that they use Tinder. I'm single so y not?!) but whenever I have a match I don't always message them first. Again, here goes the "if he likes me he'll send me a message" saying from yours truly which is so wrong, but still applicable for some situations. Anyway, that's beside the point. Out of all the 22 matches, I had a chat with 8 guys and 2 of them just want to have hookups. I mean, girls if you like that idea then go for it. It's just that, it's not for me. A relationship is not a relationship without sex, but I want to get to know the other person first. I want to build a connection before we jump right to bed. Lust can turn into love = that is correct. One of my friends had a hookup with someone she met on Tinder and now they're together for 4 months. I mean, hookups can turn into relationships. But then again, it's not my thing. I want to feel in love with the other person before we sleep together. Isn't it nice to have sex with the guy you love? Like, when he's on top and you look him in the eyes, you feel the deeeeeep connection. You feel the burning love inside you. Inside the both of you. Isn't it wonderful? I'm pretty sure you get the picture because it's TMI. 

To make it short, affection - love - make love. 
Hope it makes sense. Cus I'm really bad at explaining and my writing skill is getting rusty.



Til my next blog post,
Kattie ♡

(159): What I deserve is consistency


Dear girl,

No, he's not busy. No, his phone didn't die. No, he didn't forget to text you back. No, it's not that he hasn't been on his phone. No, it's not that he doesn't have service. If you're not hearing from him, that's because he has nothing to say to you. If you're not hearing from him, that's because he isn't thinking about you. If you're not hearing from him, that's because he doesn't miss you. No, it's not because he "sucks at texting back" and it's not because he doesn't call you back in 5 minutes like he says he would, but it's simply because he doesn't want to. No, it's not because he isn't receiving your texts and tells you "I never got it" when it clearly says "Delivered" right after you pressed send, but it's simply because he purposely ignores your messages and leaves you on Read or Seen. If he's not talking to you but he's able to be active on social media, that should be enough to show you that he doesn't prioritize you the way you prioritize him. Stop trying to convince yourself that you'll eventually hear from him. Stop trying to make yourself believe that there's a good reason as to why he isn't talking to you. Stop trying to force yourself to wait until he decides to make time for you. If he can't even do the little things like say good morning, ask you how your day is going, tell you about his day, and say good night to you so that you don't go to bed feeling unimportant, you need to let him go because what you deserve is consistency. 


Sincerely,
A guy who cares
-T. Nguyen




**copied from Preach It on Facebook**

(158): I am an extroverted introvert

artwork by Heo Jiseon
Or maybe I am somewhere in between. Hanging out with a lot of people for hours exhausts the hell out of me! I miss spending time alone. I want to be alone. Socializing drains a lot of my energy. I even fake being happy and giddy sometimes!

Me when I want to go home and leave my friends:
"How do I tell them?"
"Guys, I really wana go home and be alone. Can you grant me your blessing so I can go peacefully?"
"I have social anxiety. Will you promise not to talk shit about me when I leave?"
"You'll be fine without me, right?!"
"I feel really tired and your company isn't helping at all."

There are times I don't want to meet people. There are times I ignore phone calls and FB messages not because I am mad but because:

1. I don't want to talk. Isn't it obvious?! I like to listen to music more.
2. I don't want to go out if you invite me for dinner or something. I understand you want company, but I can be selfish sometimes. I need my own company for myself. LOL. I want to watch Netflix or practice the uke or just do my own thing.
3. It's hard for me to say "no" to invitations. This is my BIGGEST problem and it just recently happened to me. A good friend of mine wanted to go swimming and I pulled out a happy face and said, "Sure!" but believe me or not, my brain hysterically argued and shouted "NO!" And no I don't want to go swimming. The reason I said yes is because I don't want to offend her (I know Kattie it's such a lame excuse I get it). PLS TELL ME I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE???!!


BUT.............. when I'm always alone, I miss the company of my friends and reach out to them. It's confusing, right??!?!!
I drink with friends. I go to clubs with friends. I meet friends for dinner. I meet friends at church. These are proofs that I can be socially active!









To you who is reading this, don't get me wrong. I am not a bad person to my friends jeeez. There are really times we need our "me" or alone time to reflect and ponder. I am actually glad that my friends ask me out! It means they enjoy my company! But friends, I'm really sorry if I ignore your messages. I don't hate you. Whether you or I like it or not, I am an extroverted introvert and that's how I define it.



Til my next blog post,
Kattie ♡

(157): My succulent plants aka new babies


Not all of us are born with a green thumb. But my grandparents especially my grandma was born with it. She loved planting sampaguita, roses, orchids, bougainvillea and other plants that I can't name. If she's still alive she will love these succulent plants I just bought today :)

Trust me, I didn't know succulent plants exist until I paid attention to Anne's Snapchat. I mean Heart Defensor has been snapchatting her tiny plants for God knows how long and I wonder why I didn't bother to at least google it or know more about it (Sorry if you're clueless about the names; they're two of my fave Youtubers and they're best of friends huehue). It was just two days ago when I decided I wana get my own succulents. I watched Anne's snaps and she was giving names for her plants (she's got indoor cacti and fig tree) and I find it sooo adorable. After minutes of researching about succulents I discovered that they are low maintenance plants which do not need too much TLC. And you also don't need a green thumb to grow them :) 

Let me introduce you to my babies!

Correct me if I'm wrong but I think the name of this plant is Echeveria elegans. But I named it Gu-gu because of the movie The Boss Baby! I don't know why I chose it; I just looked for a plant that's my type. All succulents are cute and adorbs but you just gotta pick the one that fits your personality and all that jazz so I got this. Ain't Gu-gu a cutie?!

Next is Ga-ga cus Gu-gu isn't complete without Ga-ga. You know what I mean? Gu-gu-Ga-ga? Oh god I'm obsessed with The Boss Baby! :p Moving on, this plant is called Sedum Morganianum aka Burro's Tail. According to Google this is a trailing succulent and a very low maintenance houseplant. And it grows up to 3 feet long!! My balcony would look amazing with this!

Description:
Sedum morganianum is a tropical species that has long been grown as an ornamental for its distinctive, evergreen foliage. Because of its trailing stems, burro’s tail is best grown in containers where the stems can hang down vertically. Hanging baskets, urns, or large pots on pedestals all showcase the pendant stems.
 
Last is this Black Prince Echeveria aka Chiweenie. And please, don't argue with Chiweenie. It's my favorite English word... if that's an English word. Try to say "Chiweenie" without smiling :)))

Echeveria ‘Black Prince’ is a slow and low growing succulent plant. It produces clumps of short rosettes up to 3 inches (7.5 cm) wide with thin dark triangular, blackish leaves. These leaves first emerge greenish but darken to a deep lavender brown and with age the lower leaves widen out to as much as 1 inch (2.5 cm) at the base with an acuminate tip that has fine yellow edges. The dark red flowers appear on short stalks in late fall to early winter.

These are my succulents this morning right after I got them! But it's been raining nonstop so they're just sitting right in front of the balcony door. Chiweenie needs full sun so I'm more concerned with it's well-being. I just can't freaking wait from them to grow and be more beautiful for the people to see. I may not have a green thumb but I'll make sure to take care of them properly even though they don't need much TLC. I now have something to look forward to every morning when I wake up! :)

If you're in Saigon and want to buy succulents, click the link here. For the 3 plants + 3 clay pots I paid 101.000 VND or around $5. It's very affordable! It is true that happiness is often in the little things :)



Til my next blog post,
Kattie♡



Disclaimer: I am not sure about their scientific names. I just googled the types of succulent plants and started my "research" from there.