(160): Is it lust or love? | Tedx Talks

(160): Is it lust or love? | Tedx Talks

I've been recently hooked up on watching Tedx Talks about dating or relationships or other stuff but this one's caught my attention (aside from John Gray's "Mars brain, Venus brain").

I'll summarize this talk by Terri Orburch and write my thoughts about it.
According to her there are 4 specific signs that differentiate lust from love:

1. Connection. When you're in love, you want your partner to connect with all the important people in your life. 

2. When you use "we" language rather than "I" language. If you were in love, you would tell me, "We went out to dinner" or "We went to the movies" rather than "I took Sandy to the movies" and "I went out to dinner".

3. Self-disclosure. Love motivates us to reveal extensive information about ourselves to this other person. When we're in love, we want to tell this other person about our dreams, about our aspirations, our goals, the past, the future. 

4. Influencing one another. When two people are in love, what one person does or wants to do, influences the other person in meaningful and strong ways. You would want to go to your partner before you make a decision. 


So if you're in a situation wherein you're confused as to what relationship you have with the other person, take a look at these signs and see for yourself.

My thoughts:

I'm on Tinder (idk why people are ashamed to admit that they use Tinder. I'm single so y not?!) but whenever I have a match I don't always message them first. Again, here goes the "if he likes me he'll send me a message" saying from yours truly which is so wrong, but still applicable for some situations. Anyway, that's beside the point. Out of all the 22 matches, I had a chat with 8 guys and 2 of them just want to have hookups. I mean, girls if you like that idea then go for it. It's just that, it's not for me. A relationship is not a relationship without sex, but I want to get to know the other person first. I want to build a connection before we jump right to bed. Lust can turn into love = that is correct. One of my friends had a hookup with someone she met on Tinder and now they're together for 4 months. I mean, hookups can turn into relationships. But then again, it's not my thing. I want to feel in love with the other person before we sleep together. Isn't it nice to have sex with the guy you love? Like, when he's on top and you look him in the eyes, you feel the deeeeeep connection. You feel the burning love inside you. Inside the both of you. Isn't it wonderful? I'm pretty sure you get the picture because it's TMI. 

To make it short, affection - love - make love. 
Hope it makes sense. Cus I'm really bad at explaining and my writing skill is getting rusty.



Til my next blog post,
Kattie ♡

(159): What I deserve is consistency

(159): What I deserve is consistency


Dear girl,

No, he's not busy. No, his phone didn't die. No, he didn't forget to text you back. No, it's not that he hasn't been on his phone. No, it's not that he doesn't have service. If you're not hearing from him, that's because he has nothing to say to you. If you're not hearing from him, that's because he isn't thinking about you. If you're not hearing from him, that's because he doesn't miss you. No, it's not because he "sucks at texting back" and it's not because he doesn't call you back in 5 minutes like he says he would, but it's simply because he doesn't want to. No, it's not because he isn't receiving your texts and tells you "I never got it" when it clearly says "Delivered" right after you pressed send, but it's simply because he purposely ignores your messages and leaves you on Read or Seen. If he's not talking to you but he's able to be active on social media, that should be enough to show you that he doesn't prioritize you the way you prioritize him. Stop trying to convince yourself that you'll eventually hear from him. Stop trying to make yourself believe that there's a good reason as to why he isn't talking to you. Stop trying to force yourself to wait until he decides to make time for you. If he can't even do the little things like say good morning, ask you how your day is going, tell you about his day, and say good night to you so that you don't go to bed feeling unimportant, you need to let him go because what you deserve is consistency. 


Sincerely,
A guy who cares
-T. Nguyen




**copied from Preach It on Facebook**

(158): I am an extroverted introvert

(158): I am an extroverted introvert

artwork by Heo Jiseon
Or maybe I am somewhere in between. Hanging out with a lot of people for hours exhausts the hell out of me! I miss spending time alone. I want to be alone. Socializing drains a lot of my energy. I even fake being happy and giddy sometimes!

Me when I want to go home and leave my friends:
"How do I tell them?"
"Guys, I really wana go home and be alone. Can you grant me your blessing so I can go peacefully?"
"I have social anxiety. Will you promise not to talk shit about me when I leave?"
"You'll be fine without me, right?!"
"I feel really tired and your company isn't helping at all."

There are times I don't want to meet people. There are times I ignore phone calls and FB messages not because I am mad but because:

1. I don't want to talk. Isn't it obvious?! I like to listen to music more.
2. I don't want to go out if you invite me for dinner or something. I understand you want company, but I can be selfish sometimes. I need my own company for myself. LOL. I want to watch Netflix or practice the uke or just do my own thing.
3. It's hard for me to say "no" to invitations. This is my BIGGEST problem and it just recently happened to me. A good friend of mine wanted to go swimming and I pulled out a happy face and said, "Sure!" but believe me or not, my brain hysterically argued and shouted "NO!" And no I don't want to go swimming. The reason I said yes is because I don't want to offend her (I know Kattie it's such a lame excuse I get it). PLS TELL ME I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE???!!


BUT.............. when I'm always alone, I miss the company of my friends and reach out to them. It's confusing, right??!?!!
I drink with friends. I go to clubs with friends. I meet friends for dinner. I meet friends at church. These are proofs that I can be socially active!









To you who is reading this, don't get me wrong. I am not a bad person to my friends jeeez. There are really times we need our "me" or alone time to reflect and ponder. I am actually glad that my friends ask me out! It means they enjoy my company! But friends, I'm really sorry if I ignore your messages. I don't hate you. Whether you or I like it or not, I am an extroverted introvert and that's how I define it.



Til my next blog post,
Kattie ♡

(157): My succulent plants aka new babies

(157): My succulent plants aka new babies


Not all of us are born with a green thumb. But my grandparents especially my grandma was born with it. She loved planting sampaguita, roses, orchids, bougainvillea and other plants that I can't name. If she's still alive she will love these succulent plants I just bought today :)

Trust me, I didn't know succulent plants exist until I paid attention to Anne's Snapchat. I mean Heart Defensor has been snapchatting her tiny plants for God knows how long and I wonder why I didn't bother to at least google it or know more about it (Sorry if you're clueless about the names; they're two of my fave Youtubers and they're best of friends huehue). It was just two days ago when I decided I wana get my own succulents. I watched Anne's snaps and she was giving names for her plants (she's got indoor cacti and fig tree) and I find it sooo adorable. After minutes of researching about succulents I discovered that they are low maintenance plants which do not need too much TLC. And you also don't need a green thumb to grow them :) 

Let me introduce you to my babies!

Correct me if I'm wrong but I think the name of this plant is Echeveria elegans. But I named it Gu-gu because of the movie The Boss Baby! I don't know why I chose it; I just looked for a plant that's my type. All succulents are cute and adorbs but you just gotta pick the one that fits your personality and all that jazz so I got this. Ain't Gu-gu a cutie?!

Next is Ga-ga cus Gu-gu isn't complete without Ga-ga. You know what I mean? Gu-gu-Ga-ga? Oh god I'm obsessed with The Boss Baby! :p Moving on, this plant is called Sedum Morganianum aka Burro's Tail. According to Google this is a trailing succulent and a very low maintenance houseplant. And it grows up to 3 feet long!! My balcony would look amazing with this!

Description:
Sedum morganianum is a tropical species that has long been grown as an ornamental for its distinctive, evergreen foliage. Because of its trailing stems, burro’s tail is best grown in containers where the stems can hang down vertically. Hanging baskets, urns, or large pots on pedestals all showcase the pendant stems.
 
Last is this Black Prince Echeveria aka Chiweenie. And please, don't argue with Chiweenie. It's my favorite English word... if that's an English word. Try to say "Chiweenie" without smiling :)))

Echeveria ‘Black Prince’ is a slow and low growing succulent plant. It produces clumps of short rosettes up to 3 inches (7.5 cm) wide with thin dark triangular, blackish leaves. These leaves first emerge greenish but darken to a deep lavender brown and with age the lower leaves widen out to as much as 1 inch (2.5 cm) at the base with an acuminate tip that has fine yellow edges. The dark red flowers appear on short stalks in late fall to early winter.

These are my succulents this morning right after I got them! But it's been raining nonstop so they're just sitting right in front of the balcony door. Chiweenie needs full sun so I'm more concerned with it's well-being. I just can't freaking wait from them to grow and be more beautiful for the people to see. I may not have a green thumb but I'll make sure to take care of them properly even though they don't need much TLC. I now have something to look forward to every morning when I wake up! :)

If you're in Saigon and want to buy succulents, click the link here. For the 3 plants + 3 clay pots I paid 101.000 VND or around $5. It's very affordable! It is true that happiness is often in the little things :)



Til my next blog post,
Kattie♡



Disclaimer: I am not sure about their scientific names. I just googled the types of succulent plants and started my "research" from there.

(156): My top fave songs and lyrics

(156): My top fave songs and lyrics

I love music (c'mon, who doesn't?!) and singing is part of my everyday routine (got it from my dad. thanks pa!). I think it was 2 years ago since I last shared my top 10 favorite songs on this blog and I couldn't be bothered finding that post again lol. I love everything from pop to chill to indie to EDM and the list goes on! 

So without further ado, let's start with my most fave at the moment:

We are just like the waves that flow back and forth
Sometimes I feel like I'm drowning and you're there to save me
And I wanna thank you with all of my heart
It's a brand new start
A dream come true
In Malibu
Can we just talk how perfect she is in the music video?! Man, this is the real Miley Cyrus. I'm a fan! She looks so happy and full of life! I wish I was in love while listening to this. But either way I am in love with Malibu! ♡ 

We all want someone, we all want something
We want everything, we have anything
I don't have someone, I don't have something
I have stopped trying, I got sick of crying
A lot of you probably don't know Noah and this song. Don't worry I used to be in the same boat until I started listening to Cigarettes After Sex (they are good, too!) and my autoplay on Youtube was on. I discovered this song 5 months ago before I travel to Da Nang with friends. I highly recommend you guys to listen to this song while on the road. IMO this is one of the BEST road trip songs ever! The rhythm and the beat is dope!!

I am the hunter, I am the great unknown
Only my love can conquer
I am the, I am the hunter
I am the hunter, into the wild we go
Give up your heart, surrender
'Cause I am the, I am the hunter
I found out about Galantis through their song Runaway (U and I). I can say that I'm a hunter myself; a hunter for good music :) If you're into electronic songs then give this song a try!

4. AJR - Weak
Duuuude, the lyrics is soooo relatable to me IN SO MANY WAYS!! The lyrics actually got me because ya know, I used to be weak and things like that hueheuheuheue :))

"No thank you" is what I should've said, I should be in bed
But temptations of trouble on my tongue, troubles yet to come

One sip, bad for me
One hit, bad for me
One kiss, bad for me
But I give in so easily
And no thank you is how it should've gone
I should stay strong

But I'm weak, and what's wrong with that?
Boy, oh boy I love it when I fall for that
I'm weak, and what's wrong with that?
Boy, oh boy I love it when I fall for that
I'm weak
But I'm weak, and what's wrong with that?
Boy, oh boy I love it when I fall for that
(Boy, oh boy I love it when I fall for that)
I found out about this song while I was listening to live streaming of pop songs on Youtube. I think it was Hunter.FM radio and it's live 24/7! I tune in every single day to discover new songs, so say hello to Weak!

Cause in my heart and in my head,
I’ll never take back the things I said
So high above, I feel it coming down
She said in my heart and in my head
Tell me why this has to end
oh no, oh no

I can’t save us, my Atlantis, we fall
We built this town on shaky ground
I can’t save us my Atlantis, oh no
We built it up to pull it down
If you're looking for a break-up song then don't look any further (I gotchu, homie), Seafret is here to make your heart calm (although the lyrics are brutally honest hehe). But better be honest than fake your happiness. Been there done that. 

This is actually a pretty sad song a fallen relationship. What's got to end must end. There's really relationships that can't be saved no matter how much effort you've put into building it and you just gotta give yourself a pat on the shoulder and move on. No point crying over spilt milk.


Alright, so those are my top fave songs at the moment. Lemme know if you're familiar with them and maybe we can have a chitchat about it :) You can also share your current fave song with me! I'd love to listen to new songs!



Til my next blog post,
Kattie

(155): The Invitation

(155): The Invitation

The Invitation by Oriah Mountain Dreamer
It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it, or fade it, or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own; if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty even when it is not pretty every day. And if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand at the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, 'Yes.'

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

http://www.davidpbrown.co.uk/poetry/oriah-mountain-dreamer.html

(154): A short open letter to that rude Vietnamese taxi driver

(154): A short open letter to that rude Vietnamese taxi driver


First and foremost, fuck you too. But no, I'm not going to say that to you in person nor will I give you the middle finger. I choose to be kind. I choose to be grateful because you drove us off to school. I choose to be patient and understand the language barrier between us. I just don't find the need for you to flip me the bird. What for? I did not directly see it, thank God I didn't, but at the corner of my eye I know you were telling me to fuck off. And I wish at the time I had a gun to shoot you right away. Or I was near to break your middle finger. Or punch you in the face because you deserve it. But no, I choose to be silent and ask myself, "how could people be that rude?" What's going on in their mind? What we did was nothing for you to fuck me off. All we ever did was tell you to stop near the school's gate because it's raining and we don't have a fucking umbrella. I still think you're a nice person and you have a decent job to feed your family. But your job description didn't include giving the middle finger to your passengers when you get pissed.

I may sound like a whiny bitch. As I said up there I choose to be kind. But not today. Fuck you. Again.



Til my next blog post,
Kattie♡

(153): Girl, you gotta put a label in your relationship

(153): Girl, you gotta put a label in your relationship

So what are we? Are we friends? Are we more than friends? Doesn't it suck when you're not sure what your label is with someone? Being in between friends & lovers is the worst position to be in. Cause your feelings are for them, but their feelings might not even be for you. You're crushing on only one person, but they're crushing on more than one person. You're sending clear signals about how you feel, but they're giving you mixed signals cause one minute, they're flirting with you & convincing you you're special, next minute, they just wanna be friends.
Original post from: https://www.facebook.com/Bookstexts/posts/1857546777853482

(152): Color Me Run 2017 in HCMC

(152): Color Me Run 2017 in HCMC

Dude, this has got to be one of the most fun experiences I have ever had in my 2 years stay here in Saigon! What makes it more fun is the chance to run (or should I say walk?) with friends in the rain! Weather has been shitty the past couple weeks, but it didn't stop us from having the time of our lives!

Enough with the talking, here are the photos from the event:

(151): Know the difference between these two men

(151): Know the difference between these two men


You gotta understand the difference between a man who speaks to you on his free time and a man who frees his time to speak to you. You gotta understand the difference between a man who spends his time with you when he's not too busy and a man who's never too busy to spend time with you. You gotta understand the difference between a man who wants to see you because he misses you and a man who misses you enough to go actually see you.

(150): Things people will say when they read this

(150): Things people will say when they read this

Last night was not a typical night for me. I had dinner at a Filipino restaurant, ordered large size of ca phe sua da aka iced coffee, took a quick shower, went to bed with my laptop while sipping coffee, and slept before 10 PM. Yes, you heard that right – before 10 PM. Those nights are sooo rare. I’ve been sleeping late Every. Single. Night. so it became a big deal for me when I hit the sack early.

(149): My "past" update

(149): My "past" update

 
I reached out to my ex-boyfriend. There are 3 reasons why:

1. I want to know how he’s doing. Not because I want him back or anything. I think I had this guilt inside me. And I wouldn’t be contented unless I know he’s feeling ok. Or perhaps better, after breaking up with him.

2.  I miss our good times together. Not him. I’m over that phase already where I miss the person and would go berserk if I don’t send him a message or hear his voice.

3. I want to know he’s okay so I can feel the same way. We had closure, yes, but he used to cut himself when he’s depressed and according to him he’s bipolar. Not sure if he’s clinically diagnosed with it and the last time I saw him was 2 years ago so I can’t really tell.

(148): 13 Reasons Why I'm Happy

(148): 13 Reasons Why I'm Happy


1. Good food
2. Netflix (binge watching The 100)
3. Lovely room (with no curfew)
4. Few but genuine friends/colleagues
5. Hanging out with close friends (eating dinner, drinking alcohol, or talking over a cup of coffee)
6. Listening to my favorite songs (I do believe I have good taste in music hehe!) **currently listening to Lord Huron - The Night We Met from 13 Reasons Why**
7. A job to support my needs and wants
8. Currently in the process of learning something new. i.e. driving a motorbike

(147): Work passionately. Wait patiently.

(147): Work passionately. Wait patiently.

Today is Labor Day (yay for holiday and long weekend!). I went to church yesterday to attend the Catholic mass - I don't usually go to church on Sundays because of my afternoon classes but I thank God for holidays. I saw some friends and colleagues before and after the mass and we went straight to The Feast after our small talk. 

(146): Hannah Baker's poem in Episode 8

(146): Hannah Baker's poem in Episode 8


Today I am wearing lacy black underwear
For the sole purpose of knowing I am wearing them.
And underneath that?
I am absolutely naked.
And I've got skin. Miles and miles of skin;
I've got skin to cover all my thoughts
like Saran Wrap that you can see through
to what leftovers are inside from the night before.

(145): Attraversiamo

(145): Attraversiamo



The start of 2017 was great. When I say great, it's REALLY great. It was marvelous and filled with adventure. February came and it became disastrous. Not gonna go into details but you know what disastrous mean, right? I let go of people- people who were once strangers who turned into friends (in just a span of a month or so?) that became strangers again. I built a relationship, I let go of a relationship, and built another relationship. All those things happened in like... almost 2 months.

(144): Never beg for someone's attention

(144): Never beg for someone's attention


This is so accurate and relatable in so many different ways!!
The more you try forcing something to work that isn't meant to work, the more upset and stressed out you'll become. Some things aren't meant to work, regardless of how things used to be. Seasons change, not to mention people change. Stop seeking attention from the wrong people. Stop trying to force something to work when clearly deep down you can see it's not meant to for whatever reason that may be.

(143): Mixed feelings

(143): Mixed feelings


I ended my relationship, I met strangers who instantly became my friends who sadly became strangers again, I was judged and people misinterpreted my actions. I had been very open to people and at the time I thought it was a good thing. I was wrong; it was the other way around. I've been alone for a long time and it doesn't feel foreign to me anymore. But at the back of my mind I'm longing for someone. WE all need someone. Sometimes I wake up feeling lonely. And the only thing that comes to my mind as soon as I open my eyes is... 'work'. I wake up for work. I eat for work. I go out for work. I miss the feeling of waking up and reading "good morning" texts or "I miss you" or "lets go out on a date tonight". It's like you're waking up not only for something but for someone. 

♥ (142): Snowmine - Hologram

♥ (142): Snowmine - Hologram

loneliness is only love’s hologram. it hangs above your head just like a star. but when you know its burning out, you give it one last nod and then it’s gone. then it’s gone.

♥ (141): My third Mocbai border run

♥ (141): My third Mocbai border run

 Hi guys! I did my third visa run today and I must say I am quite pleased on how the process went through. This has got to be the fastest visa run I've ever done - probably because of Tet holiday(?)

Disclaimer: I'm a Philippine passport holder and my situation can be different to other passport holders.

♥ (140): What to see in Da Lat, Vietnam (Day 2)

♥ (140): What to see in Da Lat, Vietnam (Day 2)

Hi guys! I am back with Day 2 of my Da Lat trip! If you miss out on Day 1, click the previous post or this.

DAY 2 - 22/01
It's our first and last full day in Da Lat so we decided to go on a tour using our hotel's service. But first, breakfast time! :) We went to La Viet Coffee which is a bit far from the city center but all good. We love exploring different places and trying out different food~  The moment you enter the cafe you will smell the aroma of fresh brewed coffee. Sucks that I don't drink coffee much. People go there for coffee and me? Watermelon juice LOL no joke. They also provide coffee tour so if you're a coffee enthusiast or just love coffee in general, then La Viet Coffee is there for you.

♥ (139): What to see in Da Lat, Vietnam (Day 1)

♥ (139): What to see in Da Lat, Vietnam (Day 1)

Hi guys! I know I've been MIA for the past week, but here I am now with a new blog post from my trip!! It sucks cus I keep on forgetting to take photos in landscape mode to fit in my blog... :( Most of them are taken on portrait mode so... :( You'll understand when you see it lol anyway let's jump straight into it! 

DAY 1 - 21/01 
We left Saigon at 7 am and arrived in Da Lat around 2 in the afternoon. The cold breeze welcomed us the moment we stepped out of the bus. I immediately fell in love with this place because of the weather; it's like New Zealand's autumn but much colder. We headed to our hotel (no photos of our hotel room, soz), napped for a good hour, glammed ourselves up, took a bunch of photos, and went out for late lunch.

Artist Alley because the owner is an artist (painter) and the restaurant is located in the alley :p

♥ (138): Wearing Filipino traditional dress in Vietnam

♥ (138): Wearing Filipino traditional dress in Vietnam

Hi guys! We celebrated the Spring Festival at Asian International School (the school where I teach at) and boy, oh boy was it fun!! We were asked to wear our country's traditional costume and so many students/teachers took photos of/with us :) In short, we became instant celebrities! It was so overwhelming to see students buying and enjoying Filipino foods and I couldn't be more proud of where I come from! Unfortunately I don't have photos of our menu because I was busy packing rice meals (adobo and menudo + rice) and as soon as the desserts arrived, the students flocked our tables! Anyway we had BBQ (that sold out so fast!), biko, puto with cheese on top (or like cheesecake but more delish), fruit salad, adobo, and menudo. If you're not familiar with those food just pls google it. Ty

Anyway here's me with my colleagues donning our traditional Igorot and Filipiniana costume. Aren't we all attractive? :)

♥ (137): Siem Reap, Cambodia from 6 years ago

♥ (137): Siem Reap, Cambodia from 6 years ago

Traveling was not really my cup of tea back then. I was scared to travel alone overseas and also, it costs a fortune. At the time I didn't know how to check/book flights - in short, I was a total noob. My traveling adventure started when I met my ex. We traveled to neighboring countries like Singapore, Thailand, and Cambodia.

I looked back at my Cambodia's album on Facebook from 6 years ago and the reason is because I want to be in the country again. Not in Siem Reap though, but in Phnom Penh. I have always been curious to see the Tuol Sleng Genocide Museum in person. But anyway, back to the point of this blog post, I'm going to give you a ride to Siem Reap, Cambodia in 2011.


♥ (136): First trip in 2017: Mui Ne, Vietnam

♥ (136): First trip in 2017: Mui Ne, Vietnam

Hi guys! I started my 2017 with a bang!! I traveled to Mui Ne with my colleague, Sir Jao, on the 1st of January and boy was I excited as hell!! Mui Ne is in the Southeast Vietnam and it's a 6-hour bus drive (FUTA bus line) from Saigon (now Ho Chi Minh City). 

There are so many firsts in this trip! I felt like a kid to be honest :P

D A Y 1 
 
1. Let's start with New Year. In my 26 years of existence on this planet Earth, it's my first time to travel on New Year's Day. This is one of the biggest holidays in the Philippines so why travel?! But since I was not able to spend the holidays with my family back home, why not go out of the city for once and enjoy my day off :)