(159): What I deserve is consistency

(159): What I deserve is consistency

Dear girl,

No, he's not busy. No, his phone didn't die. No, he didn't forget to text you back. No, it's not that he hasn't been on his phone. No, it's not that he doesn't have service. If you're not hearing from him, that's because he has nothing to say to you. If you're not hearing from him, that's because he isn't thinking about you. If you're not hearing from him, that's because he doesn't miss you. No, it's not because he "sucks at texting back" and it's not because he doesn't call you back in 5 minutes like he says he would, but it's simply because he doesn't want to. No, it's not because he isn't receiving your texts and tells you "I never got it" when it clearly says "Delivered" right after you pressed send, but it's simply because he purposely ignores your messages and leaves you on Read or Seen. If he's not talking to you but he's able to be active on social media, that should be enough to show you that he doesn't prioritize you the way you prioritize him. Stop trying to convince yourself that you'll eventually hear from him. Stop trying to make yourself believe that there's a good reason as to why he isn't talking to you. Stop trying to force yourself to wait until he decides to make time for you. If he can't even do the little things like say good morning, ask you how your day is going, tell you about his day, and say good night to you so that you don't go to bed feeling unimportant, you need to let him go because what you deserve is consistency. 

A guy who cares
-T. Nguyen

**copied from Preach It on Facebook**

(158): I am an extroverted introvert

(158): I am an extroverted introvert

artwork by Heo Jiseon
Or maybe I am somewhere in between. Hanging out with a lot of people for hours exhausts the hell out of me! I miss spending time alone. I want to be alone. Socializing drains a lot of my energy. I even fake being happy and giddy sometimes!

Me when I want to go home and leave my friends:
"How do I tell them?"
"Guys, I really wana go home and be alone. Can you grant me your blessing so I can go peacefully?"
"I have social anxiety. Will you promise not to talk shit about me when I leave?"
"You'll be fine without me, right?!"
"I feel really tired and your company isn't helping at all."

There are times I don't want to meet people. There are times I ignore phone calls and FB messages not because I am mad but because:

1. I don't want to talk. Isn't it obvious?! I like to listen to music more.
2. I don't want to go out if you invite me for dinner or something. I understand you want company, but I can be selfish sometimes. I need my own company for myself. LOL. I want to watch Netflix or practice the uke or just do my own thing.
3. It's hard for me to say "no" to invitations. This is my BIGGEST problem and it just recently happened to me. A good friend of mine wanted to go swimming and I pulled out a happy face and said, "Sure!" but believe me or not, my brain hysterically argued and shouted "NO!" And no I don't want to go swimming. The reason I said yes is because I don't want to offend her (I know Kattie it's such a lame excuse I get it). PLS TELL ME I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE???!!

BUT.............. when I'm always alone, I miss the company of my friends and reach out to them. It's confusing, right??!?!!
I drink with friends. I go to clubs with friends. I meet friends for dinner. I meet friends at church. These are proofs that I can be socially active!

To you who is reading this, don't get me wrong. I am not a bad person to my friends jeeez. There are really times we need our "me" or alone time to reflect and ponder. I am actually glad that my friends ask me out! It means they enjoy my company! But friends, I'm really sorry if I ignore your messages. I don't hate you. Whether you or I like it or not, I am an extroverted introvert and that's how I define it.

Til my next blog post,
Kattie ♡

(157): My succulent plants aka new babies

(157): My succulent plants aka new babies

Not all of us are born with a green thumb. But my grandparents especially my grandma was born with it. She loved planting sampaguita, roses, orchids, bougainvillea and other plants that I can't name. If she's still alive she will love these succulent plants I just bought today :)

Trust me, I didn't know succulent plants exist until I paid attention to Anne's Snapchat. I mean Heart Defensor has been snapchatting her tiny plants for God knows how long and I wonder why I didn't bother to at least google it or know more about it (Sorry if you're clueless about the names; they're two of my fave Youtubers and they're best of friends huehue). It was just two days ago when I decided I wana get my own succulents. I watched Anne's snaps and she was giving names for her plants (she's got indoor cacti and fig tree) and I find it sooo adorable. After minutes of researching about succulents I discovered that they are low maintenance plants which do not need too much TLC. And you also don't need a green thumb to grow them :) 

Let me introduce you to my babies!

Correct me if I'm wrong but I think the name of this plant is Echeveria elegans. But I named it Gu-gu because of the movie The Boss Baby! I don't know why I chose it; I just looked for a plant that's my type. All succulents are cute and adorbs but you just gotta pick the one that fits your personality and all that jazz so I got this. Ain't Gu-gu a cutie?!

Next is Ga-ga cus Gu-gu isn't complete without Ga-ga. You know what I mean? Gu-gu-Ga-ga? Oh god I'm obsessed with The Boss Baby! :p Moving on, this plant is called Sedum Morganianum aka Burro's Tail. According to Google this is a trailing succulent and a very low maintenance houseplant. And it grows up to 3 feet long!! My balcony would look amazing with this!

Sedum morganianum is a tropical species that has long been grown as an ornamental for its distinctive, evergreen foliage. Because of its trailing stems, burro’s tail is best grown in containers where the stems can hang down vertically. Hanging baskets, urns, or large pots on pedestals all showcase the pendant stems.
Last is this Black Prince Echeveria aka Chiweenie. And please, don't argue with Chiweenie. It's my favorite English word... if that's an English word. Try to say "Chiweenie" without smiling :)))

Echeveria ‘Black Prince’ is a slow and low growing succulent plant. It produces clumps of short rosettes up to 3 inches (7.5 cm) wide with thin dark triangular, blackish leaves. These leaves first emerge greenish but darken to a deep lavender brown and with age the lower leaves widen out to as much as 1 inch (2.5 cm) at the base with an acuminate tip that has fine yellow edges. The dark red flowers appear on short stalks in late fall to early winter.

These are my succulents this morning right after I got them! But it's been raining nonstop so they're just sitting right in front of the balcony door. Chiweenie needs full sun so I'm more concerned with it's well-being. I just can't freaking wait from them to grow and be more beautiful for the people to see. I may not have a green thumb but I'll make sure to take care of them properly even though they don't need much TLC. I now have something to look forward to every morning when I wake up! :)

If you're in Saigon and want to buy succulents, click the link here. For the 3 plants + 3 clay pots I paid 101.000 VND or around $5. It's very affordable! It is true that happiness is often in the little things :)

Til my next blog post,

Disclaimer: I am not sure about their scientific names. I just googled the types of succulent plants and started my "research" from there.

(156): My top fave songs and lyrics

(156): My top fave songs and lyrics

I love music (c'mon, who doesn't?!) and singing is part of my everyday routine (got it from my dad. thanks pa!). I think it was 2 years ago since I last shared my top 10 favorite songs on this blog and I couldn't be bothered finding that post again lol. I love everything from pop to chill to indie to EDM and the list goes on! 

So without further ado, let's start with my most fave at the moment:

We are just like the waves that flow back and forth
Sometimes I feel like I'm drowning and you're there to save me
And I wanna thank you with all of my heart
It's a brand new start
A dream come true
In Malibu
Can we just talk how perfect she is in the music video?! Man, this is the real Miley Cyrus. I'm a fan! She looks so happy and full of life! I wish I was in love while listening to this. But either way I am in love with Malibu! ♡ 

We all want someone, we all want something
We want everything, we have anything
I don't have someone, I don't have something
I have stopped trying, I got sick of crying
A lot of you probably don't know Noah and this song. Don't worry I used to be in the same boat until I started listening to Cigarettes After Sex (they are good, too!) and my autoplay on Youtube was on. I discovered this song 5 months ago before I travel to Da Nang with friends. I highly recommend you guys to listen to this song while on the road. IMO this is one of the BEST road trip songs ever! The rhythm and the beat is dope!!

I am the hunter, I am the great unknown
Only my love can conquer
I am the, I am the hunter
I am the hunter, into the wild we go
Give up your heart, surrender
'Cause I am the, I am the hunter
I found out about Galantis through their song Runaway (U and I). I can say that I'm a hunter myself; a hunter for good music :) If you're into electronic songs then give this song a try!

4. AJR - Weak
Duuuude, the lyrics is soooo relatable to me IN SO MANY WAYS!! The lyrics actually got me because ya know, I used to be weak and things like that hueheuheuheue :))

"No thank you" is what I should've said, I should be in bed
But temptations of trouble on my tongue, troubles yet to come

One sip, bad for me
One hit, bad for me
One kiss, bad for me
But I give in so easily
And no thank you is how it should've gone
I should stay strong

But I'm weak, and what's wrong with that?
Boy, oh boy I love it when I fall for that
I'm weak, and what's wrong with that?
Boy, oh boy I love it when I fall for that
I'm weak
But I'm weak, and what's wrong with that?
Boy, oh boy I love it when I fall for that
(Boy, oh boy I love it when I fall for that)
I found out about this song while I was listening to live streaming of pop songs on Youtube. I think it was Hunter.FM radio and it's live 24/7! I tune in every single day to discover new songs, so say hello to Weak!

Cause in my heart and in my head,
I’ll never take back the things I said
So high above, I feel it coming down
She said in my heart and in my head
Tell me why this has to end
oh no, oh no

I can’t save us, my Atlantis, we fall
We built this town on shaky ground
I can’t save us my Atlantis, oh no
We built it up to pull it down
If you're looking for a break-up song then don't look any further (I gotchu, homie), Seafret is here to make your heart calm (although the lyrics are brutally honest hehe). But better be honest than fake your happiness. Been there done that. 

This is actually a pretty sad song a fallen relationship. What's got to end must end. There's really relationships that can't be saved no matter how much effort you've put into building it and you just gotta give yourself a pat on the shoulder and move on. No point crying over spilt milk.

Alright, so those are my top fave songs at the moment. Lemme know if you're familiar with them and maybe we can have a chitchat about it :) You can also share your current fave song with me! I'd love to listen to new songs!

Til my next blog post,

(155): The Invitation

(155): The Invitation

The Invitation by Oriah Mountain Dreamer
It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it, or fade it, or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own; if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty even when it is not pretty every day. And if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand at the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, 'Yes.'

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.