(158): I am an extroverted introvert

artwork by Heo Jiseon
Or maybe I am somewhere in between. Hanging out with a lot of people for hours exhausts the hell out of me! I miss spending time alone. I want to be alone. Socializing drains a lot of my energy. I even fake being happy and giddy sometimes!

Me when I want to go home and leave my friends:
"How do I tell them?"
"Guys, I really wana go home and be alone. Can you grant me your blessing so I can go peacefully?"
"I have social anxiety. Will you promise not to talk shit about me when I leave?"
"You'll be fine without me, right?!"
"I feel really tired and your company isn't helping at all."

There are times I don't want to meet people. There are times I ignore phone calls and FB messages not because I am mad but because:

1. I don't want to talk. Isn't it obvious?! I like to listen to music more.
2. I don't want to go out if you invite me for dinner or something. I understand you want company, but I can be selfish sometimes. I need my own company for myself. LOL. I want to watch Netflix or practice the uke or just do my own thing.
3. It's hard for me to say "no" to invitations. This is my BIGGEST problem and it just recently happened to me. A good friend of mine wanted to go swimming and I pulled out a happy face and said, "Sure!" but believe me or not, my brain hysterically argued and shouted "NO!" And no I don't want to go swimming. The reason I said yes is because I don't want to offend her (I know Kattie it's such a lame excuse I get it). PLS TELL ME I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE???!!

BUT.............. when I'm always alone, I miss the company of my friends and reach out to them. It's confusing, right??!?!!
I drink with friends. I go to clubs with friends. I meet friends for dinner. I meet friends at church. These are proofs that I can be socially active!

To you who is reading this, don't get me wrong. I am not a bad person to my friends jeeez. There are really times we need our "me" or alone time to reflect and ponder. I am actually glad that my friends ask me out! It means they enjoy my company! But friends, I'm really sorry if I ignore your messages. I don't hate you. Whether you or I like it or not, I am an extroverted introvert and that's how I define it.

Til my next blog post,
Kattie ♡